You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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