you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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