I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
