I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
