I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
