It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
