Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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