i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
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Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
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FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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