I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
