Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
