apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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