Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
