Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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