If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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