Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
