He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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