somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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