"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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