i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
