Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize