6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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