So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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