so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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