If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
