He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
