I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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