I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
