Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
