Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What a dumb baby whore.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
