What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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