my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
