just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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