Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
