Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
