I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
MIDGETS
????
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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