sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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