I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
