goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
