Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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