I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
