New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
