I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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