Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
