i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
