I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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