1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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