That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
