I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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