I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
