She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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