No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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