you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
