I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize