sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
