What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
