we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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