I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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