So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
