I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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