You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
