You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
