She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My ATM looks so different sober.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just pee around me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
