I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
