This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
