I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
