I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
