Whod you bang
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
