It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
