he wants to bone in the snuggie
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
