It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they're like a gay fantastic four
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
